Dealing with Separation Anxiety
Dogs are sociable animals, not loners. Your dog misses you
while you’re away from the house. He’s pleased and relieved to see you come
through the door again. Over time, however, he learns to adjust to the comings
and goings of his human pack. The arrangements you make to keep your dog happy,
safe, and comfortable while you’re gone play a big role in this
adjustment.
However, some dogs left alone at home experience much more
distress than is normal, even with the best of accommodations. This severe level
of distress, called separation anxiety, is easy to distinguish from
run-of-the-mill anxiety because the dog’s behavior is extreme or very
destructive. He may bark, howl, or yowl for hours on end, which your neighbors
will tell you about with increasing irritability. He may try to escape from his
secure area, and in doing so, he can do some real damage to the woodwork and
floors by clawing, digging, or chewing. If left in a crate, he may injure his
paws and mouth trying to chew his way out. Dogs suffering from separation
anxiety seem unable to contain their relief at your return. They may seem
frantic in their greeting, jumping and flinging themselves at you and barking or
whining at a piercing pitch.
Separation anxiety must be addressed as soon as you notice it.
This condition does not go away by itself, and if left untreated it will create
more serious problems. Start by discussing the problem with your veterinarian.
She will want to rule out any medical factors or conditions that may be contributing to the separation anxiety. She may also be able
to advise you on the steps to treat separation anxiety.
Also consider contacting a professional dog behaviorist. He will
meet with you and your dog to assess the factors that have led to the problem.
Then he will develop a behavioral plan that fits you and your dog’s
interactions and routines.
There are several things you can do to prevent separation
anxiety from developing or to minimize its duration if it does set in. Make
deliberate efforts to foster a sense of calm in your home life and in your
interactions with your dog. Dogs are very attuned and responsive to our
emotions; what you are feeling affects your dog. Gradually, as your dog absorbs
your sense of peace, she’ll become more relaxed and less anxious herself.
Slow Down
Give yourself enough time in the morning to go through your
routines, including exercising your dog, without feeling hurried or rushed. If
necessary, get up earlier or do some “morning†chores the night before, such
as making a lunch or ironing your clothes. Encourage other members of your
househould to take similar steps so that everyone is starting the day in a
tranquil manner. Not only will this help start your dog’s day right, but
you’ll find your own day goes more smoothly, too.
Exude Confidence
Your dog needs assurance that everything is going as it is
supposed to. You communicate this by acting with confidence in
your interactions with him. Erase any guilt or mixed emotions you may be
experiencing about leaving him home alone. Your dog can sense your anxieties,
and they’ll only confirm that he has reason to feel anxious himself.
Remember, you’re the alpha dog — always. You are the one in
charge and responsible for your dog. Your body language, manner, tone of voice,
and facial expressions must reflect an attitude of authority and confidence.
Dogs need to know their place in the pack hierarchy. When your dog recognizes
you as the alpha dog, he’ll feel more self-confident and relaxed. Being in the
alpha position does not mean that you rule your dog with an iron fist. It does
mean that you are responsible for understanding and taking good care of your
pet’s emotional and physical needs.
Avoid Feast or Famine of Attention
When you are home with your dog, especially for long stretches
of time such as over a weekend, give your dog plenty of attention, but don’t
smother her with it. Don’t take her with you everywhere you go. Leave her at
home sometimes. You want her to view staying at home alone as an ordinary
event.
Affection and attention are addictive, especially for the loving
dog. With too much of it on the weekend, she can go into withdrawal when the
busy week begins. She’ll find the sudden loss of companionship acutely
distressing. Too much attention and coddling can affect your dog in another way,
too — it can undermine her sense of self-confidence. We all like to be babied
now and then, but a steady diet of it can lead us to question our abilities to
cope on our own. Dogs, like humans, are susceptible to such doubts, perhaps even
more so because of their very real dependency on us.
Establish Healthy Hellos and Good-byes
One way to help ease the pain of separation is to keep your
departures and returns low-key. This isn’t easy to do when your dog’s big
brown eyes are begging you to drop everything and shower him with attention and
affection. But making a big deal out of your hellos and goodbyes will only
convince your dog that these events, and the time spent alone in between, are
dramatic. Prolonged goodbyes charged with emotion, particularly
sadness, remorse, guilt, or worry, will convince him that something dreadful is
about to happen. He’ll begin to feel anxious. When you leave and don’t come
back, he interprets your absence as the “dreadful something.â€
Likewise, profuse greetings when you return home will seem like
a huge payoff for time spent alone. While you may intend to make up for being
gone with extra attention, doing so when you first come in the door gives him
the wrong message. It tells him, “Whew! We made it through a really difficult
time. What a relief that’s over!†Instead, you want him to accept his time
alone as just a normal part of an ordinary day, so establish a routine for
leaving and coming home.
When you get home, try to limit your first interaction with your
dog to a cheerful hello. Take the time to put away your coat, put down your
things, unpack your lunch bag, or go through the mail. It’s okay if your dog
waits, tail slowly wagging, for your attention. It is not okay if your dog is
leaping about, yapping, or whining. You want to ignore such behavior and show by
your behavior that it will not get the dog the attention he wants. This
may be hard to do, but it’s important. Don’t try to calm him or scold him
for misbehaving. After all, those interactions are attention, too. Instead,
ignore him until he has calmed down, then pat him on the head, say hello, and go
about your business. After about 15 minutes you can give him a more involved
greeting with petting and hugs and belly rubs or ear scratching. The time lag
will disassociate this display of affection from your arrival home.
As for saying good-bye, if you want to give your dog a big hug
or a big dose of petting and stroking before you leave for the day, do so at
least 15 minutes before your departure. You don’t want the two events linked
in his mind. Maybe you can give him this attention when you come in from
exercise time, or perhaps before you shower. Generally, in the last 10 to 15
minutes before you leave the house, you have a few things you usually do.
Perhaps you pack a lunch or put dishes in the dishwasher. Don’t rush through
these activities. Do them deliberately and methodically. These activities will
become a soothing pattern for your dog. To help ease the transition, add a treat
for the dog to this routine. It will be much easier for him to let you go if he
has a goodie to occupy him. And if he knows that a treat is part of the
leave-taking routine, that’s what he’ll have on his mind as he
watches you preparing to leave.
Separation Training
To gradually accustom your dog to your absence from home, try
separation training. This gives your dog controlled practice in being alone. By
controlled I mean that you set the parameters for the amount of time your dog is
left alone — in small increments initially, then gradually longer periods of
time. During training you do not leave the dog because you are going to work or
out to dinner, but for the express purpose of helping him learn to tolerate
being alone.
1. To help get your dog in a calm, relaxed frame of mind, go
out and play some games with him, then spend some quiet time in the house. When
your dog is mellow, calmly and quietly, without saying anything, leave the
room.
2. Pick up your keys or jacket, or whatever normally
indicates that you are leaving the house, and leave. You can go for a walk or a
drive around the block. Stay out for 5 minutes.